A Late Easter Present
by Gyte-san
Summary: Here is a small Easter present. Sorry it is a little late. Two of our favorite aliens discuss the bizarre traditions of Easter. Happy No Pants Day!


_Okay, here goes my first SG-1 fanfic (and perhaps my first somewhat decent fanfic). I don't own nothing… yadda yadda… whatever… not that anyone would mistake me for whoever owns Stargate. I certainly don't have enough money to pull that off. I am a starving college student after all. Anyway… sorry for the lateness, I think we can all deal with that._

_There are no pairings in this fanfic… don't try to find any… you perverts._

_Jonas is here, but Daniel isn't dead. All original SG-1 members are still SG-1 members. Don't try to put this on a timeline, it isn't important enough to do that._

Jonas and Teal'c sat in the cafeteria of the SCG discussing a topic of great interest, Earth Culture.

"But why would a pig want to eat beef…?"

"I also do not understand the nature of this child song."

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home…" Jonas continued to mutter the lyrics to the rhyme under his breath, perhaps with the hopes of gaining some insight into its mysteries.

Teal'c glanced over the commissary noting the strange changes that seemed to have occurred overnight. Green, yellow, pink and purple decorations decked the walls and tables. Colorful pictures f decorated eggs hung on the walls. Baskets filled with stuffed bunnies, marshmallow chicks, and assorted chocolates sat in the center of every table.

Teal'c turned to Jonas (still quietly contemplating the carnivoric habits of the little piggies), "It appears that it is once again time for Earth's Easter holiday."

Jonas stopped his musings to turn his attention to the decorated room, "Easter?" Jonas looked at his new watch (a Christmas present from Sam). Not only did it tell time, it also told the date, current temperature, barometric temperature, and humidity. The watch dial read 04/11/06. "It can't be Easter. Easter is in March."

"It appears this year they are celebrating it in April."

"They change the day each year?" Jonas's attention was now completely focused on this new mystery of "Easter."

"Indeed. They have rules to determine which day they are to celebrate."

"What rules?"

"I believe that Daniel Jackson said it falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon after their spring equinox."

"Why is it so complicated? What are they celebrating anyway? Eggs?"

"I believe the purpose of the holiday is to celebrate the resurrection of the Christian savior, Jesus."

"Resurrection… so he came back from the dead? Like the Goa'uld?" Jonas didn't like the way this holiday sounded.

"Teal'c thought about the comment for a second before replying, "I do not believe Jesus could be a Goa'uld. The Goa'uld do not have the ability to show the compassion he showed."

At this revelation, Jonas calmed somewhat, "So why don't they just celebrate it on the day he came back to life, instead of changing it every year?"

"I don't believe they know the actual day."

"Then why don't they just choose one day and stick with it?" Teal'c had no answer for this oddity either. The people of Earth did do this with their Christmas. It seemed strange the rules wouldn't apply to Easter as well.

Grabbing a chocolate from the table's basket, Jonas thought of another question, "If this holiday is to celebrate Jesus coming back to life, what's with all the eggs and bunnies?"

Teal'c raised an eyebrow, also having no clue as to the reason for these traditional icons of Easter. "I also wonder as to the purpose of the coloring of the eggs."

The wheels in Jonas's head turned faster and faster until a revelation hit him. "I've got it!"

Teal'c was slightly taken aback by his friend's sudden outburst.

"Jesus was a giant rabbit-alien."

"I don't believe this is a logical explanation."

"Come on Teal'c, with all of the strange things we have seem this isn't too far out there."

Teal'c looked back at his time in the SGC. Stranger things have indeed happened.

Jonas took Teal'c's silence as an agreement and continued with his theory. "Jesus was a rabbit alien who wanted to help humans, so he came to Earth to teach his wisdom to its inhabitants. However, there were a bunch of chicken-like aliens who didn't believe that humans deserved this knowledge and decided to stop him. They killed him, but when his followers found out, they were determined to extract revenge. They killed all chickens in sight and then they went after the eggs. One group of soldiers would check the eggs they found to see if they were chicken eggs. If there weren't chicken eggs, they would let them be, but if they were, they would paint them with bright colors so the next group could come by, spot the eggs, and take them away to be destroyed. Before all the eggs could be destroyed, Jesus came back from the dead (because that was one of the abilities of his race, kind of like the Nox) and told them to stop with their revenge. He took back the eggs and hid them in various locations so that his followers couldn't destroy them. That's it! That explains everything!"

Teal'c raised one eyebrow as he considered Jonas's theory. As crazy as it initially sounded, it did explain much of the holiday's bizarre traditions. The egg hunts, the chickens, and the rabbits. However, before he could comment on it, Jack joined their table. "So, what explains everything?" He apparently had caught the end of the conversation.

Jonas turned to him, "Jesus was a giant, alien rabbit, wasn't he?"

Jack looked at Jonas for a second, got up from the table, and walked off. This conversation had gotten way to weird for him. At a nearby second table sat Daniel and Sam. Jack joined them mumbling under his breath about crazy aliens and giant rabbits. "Daniel, Jesus wasn't a giant, alien rabbit, was he?" Daniel was about to laugh at the absurd comment before he realized that his superior was serious.

"Not that I was aware of… why?"

"Jonas thinks he was."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Why don't you ask him?" Jack pointed at Jonas who was already headed in their direction with Teal'c in tow.

"Daniel you are the expert here, please explain Easter."

"This explains the Jesus rabbit question. Okay um, Easter can be tracked back to the….."

_Since I am incredibly lazy right now, I will no longer write this fanfic as if Daniel is talking. Instead, I am just going to give the explanation of Easter as a side note. I got this information from **http/ www. religioustolerance. org /easter.htm http/www. /easter-origins. html http/en. /wiki /Easter ** and from **http/www .factmonster .com/ spot/ easterintro1. html** so if you have a problem with my explanation, tough, it isn't mine, blame them or whatever._

**The word Easter comes from the name of an ancient goddess. Eostre (aka Eastre) was the Great Mother Goddess of the Saxons. She is often compared to Demeter, Hathor, Ishtar, and Ostara.**

**Eggs were forbidden during lent, so finally getting an egg to eat after all that time would be quite a treat. They also symbolize new life and fertility, so I guess that is a good thing to have for any spring festival. I guess plain eggs just got boring for people, so they jazzed it up with bright colours and a hide and seek game. Orthodox Christians in the Middle East and Greece supposedly painted eggs bright red to symbolize the blood of Christ…. **

**Rabbits and hares also symbolize fertility, which seems to be incredibly important for this holiday. They were also Eostre's earthly symbol. Apparently the Easter rabbit tradition started in Germany where an "Easter Hare" laid eggs for the kids to find. _Is it just me, or does that sound a little creepy. Maybe it is just me. _**

**As for the reason for the strange day thing…. In order to convert more people to Christianity (especially the Saxons), they decided to take one of their more important celebrations and Christianize it. The Saxons already had a spring celebration for Easter at the time, so the church basically took it and made it all about Jesus. The First Council of Nicaea (_I have no clue who that is, btw_) decided in 325 to make every church celebrate it on the same Sunday, so that is why it is always on a Sunday. And since we are pretty sure that Jesus died in the spring anyway (he did die pretty soon after Passover which is in April). **

**_That is all I am going to say about it. If you must read more, use the links provided or google it._**

_**I hope you have enjoyed this little fanfic. Hopefully it won't be my last, and the others I may or may not write will be even better.**_

_**-bows- Goodbye.**_


End file.
